ThunderClan is Messed Up
by Mordecai4ever
Summary: Everycat gets high and weird stuff happens.
1. Chapter 1

Cloudtail leaped into the nursery, intending to scare the kits.

"CLOUDFUR! COME AND LOOK AT THIS!" Daisy screeched as he entered. She was staring intently at her tail. "IT'S MOVING!" she squealed in terror and tried to run away, only to become even more horrified as it followed her.

Ignoring the mispronunciation of his name, Cloudtail looked around. Ferncloud and Millie were at the opposite end of the den, laughing extremely loudly. "LOOK! IT BLINKED!" Millie yelled before falling about in a fresh fit of laughter. Cloudtail went to see what was so funny, only to see one of the kits huddled on the ground, it's fur fluffed up with fear and confusion. "S- Snakes!"it yelped as it saw Daisy's tail.

"WHAT? WHERE?" Daisy screamed again as she saw her tail, running in circles as she attempted to get away. She soon became dizzy and collapsed, created a massive hole in the wall of the den.

Cloudtail ran outside in search of the rest of the kits. He soon found them in Firestar's den where he was teaching them how to fart. "Right, kits, all you have to do is clench your buttocks-" At this he fell into a fit of laughter, but continued, letting out some nauseous gas that soon made Cloudtail lightheaded, "and push as hard as you can, but try not to poop." All the kits tried to flatulate but pooped all over Firestar's bed instead.

Cloudtail rushed to the medicine den and confronted Jayfeather. "Firestar, the queens and all of the kits are acting really weirdly! What's going on?!"

"They shouldn't be. I only gave them some feverfew. Come to think of it, I think I'm coming down with something. I might have some." He turned to nom some leaves behind him, and when he turned around, his eyes were glassy and unfocused. "DUDE!" He yelled, "YOU HAVE TO TRY THIS! IT TASTES LIKE RAINBOWS!"

Cautiously, Cloudtail walked over to the small pile of leaves and took a sniff. He'd recognise that smell anywhere.

Catnip. Whoop-de-friggin'-do.

He raced outside to the middle of the clearing, looked upwards and shouted, "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON TODAY?!"


	2. The Derpy Twoleg Kit

Squirrelkit and Leafkit bounded through the forest, thrilled to have gotten out of camp.

"I can't believe that actually worked!" Squirrelkit yelled. "WOOHOO!" She and Leafkit jumped through the next bramble bush together-

-Only to come face to face with a Twoleg kit.

"Hoshit!" Leafkit yelled. The Twoleg tilted its head before repeating Leafkit's exclamation. "Hoshit!" it yelped oddly.

Squirrelkit and Leafkit looked at each other. "What was THAT?!" Leafkit asked. Almost immediately, the Twoleg copied her.

"I think it's trying to talk to us."

"I think it's trying to talk to us." Came the reply from the Twoleg.

An evil grin spread over Squirrelkit's face. "I am a stupid little runt." She spoke clearly to the Twoleg kit.

"I am a stupid little runt."

Squirrelkit began to laugh so hard she nearly fell over. "I eat mouse dung for breakfast!" she yelled at the kit.

"I eat mouse dung for breakfast!" The kit responded quickly.

By now Leafkit was laughing too. "Twolegs are stupid!"

"Twolegs are stupid!"

A harsh twoleg call suddenly echoed through the clearing. The twoleg kit turned and ran to the sound.

Leafkit and Squirrelkit looked at each other. "Well, that was weird," they both said to each other before walking back to camp.

**Chapter 3 up soon! Hope you're enjoying the story.**


	3. Hotsauce casualties

**Co-written by Saba Dunba. We do it for teh lulz.**

Bluestar sauntered over to the minifridge in hope of a cool drink. Opening the door, her eyeballs promptly caught on fire. She fell from Starclan and became a Twoleg.

"OH NO!" BLUESTAR DIED! AGAIN!" Ashfur screamed. He too looked into the minifridge. His eyeballs soon caught on fire and he became a Twoleg.

"Shit, why is everyone being reincarnated?" Lionheart looked in the minifridge, where his expression quickly became one of horror. "NOOOO!" he screamed. "TIGERSTAR'S PUT HOT SAUCE IN THE MINIFRIDGE AGAIN!" and then he became a Twoleg.

Meanwhile, in the dark forest, Tigerstar was feeling very pleased with himself. "Hot sauce in the minifridge," he muttered. "Brilliant!" he walked over to his own minifridge in search of refreshment, but when he opened the door he screamed in terror. "ICECREAM?! NOOOOOOO!" he fell to earth and became a mouse.

the end.

**No doubt about it.**


	4. Sandstorm's Twoleg crush

**My idea, but still credit to Saba Dunba. Enjoy!**

The twoleg kit ran inside its house and started yowling at its owners and pointing with its tail towards the Thunderclan camp. "What do you want, stupid cat?" the ungrateful Twoleg thought. "Maybe I should follow it."

Together they sped through the forest and after a couple of minutes they reached the thorn barrier. The Twoleg was about to turn around and go back home when the kitten suddenly shouted in a very deep voice, **"ENTER!1!"**, and the Twoleg yelled "FINE! Don't be a poop!" and crawled through the thorns, getting severely scratched.

Inside the Thunderclan camp, Jayfeather was high again, Squirrelkit and Leafkit had just returned to their mother who was also high, and Firestar was doing a handstand in the middle of the clearing. Masta Fiya heard a rustling and turned his head toward the thorns. Alerting everyone else, he slowly crept forward and leapt at the Twoleg's face which had just appeared from the tunnel. "HELL YEAH IMMA PRINCESS!" Sandstorm screamed randomly (she was high) "AND HE WILL BE MAH PRINCE!"

"Yerwat? NOOOOO DON'T LEAVE MEH... pleez don't leave me..." Masta Fiya cried.

**Very random indeed!**


	5. Meme time

**Hello! Soz for the long wait, school's been annoying. I changed the rating to T because there's going to be a bit of swearing in some chapters.**

Longtail was chillin in his nest in the elders den next to Purdy. He knew that today would be a nice day, with the sun coming up, lots of freshkill to eat and all his friends to talk to. His daydreaming had just begun to drift to the topic of eating a massive mouse when- 'NANANANANANANANANANANANANANA NAANANNANANANANANANANANANANA NANANANANANANANANANANANANANA NANANANANANANANANANA!' shouted Firestar who was doing a dance which made him look like he was humping the ground.

'SHUT THE HELL UP FIRESTAR YOU ARE NOT NYAN CAT' Longtail was really pissed. He sped out of his den to see Firestar flying through the air. 'What the...' Longtail murmured, before realizing that Firestar was not flying, he was in fact falling. He was like *trollface* when Firestar faceplanted on the ground because he finally stopped singing.

ANYWAYS, around sunhigh Longtail was having a nap when he was woken up by a disco ball which had unceremoniously been thrown at his face. He was like dafuq and padded outside only to see every cat in Thunderclan attempting to Gangnam but failing miserably. He ran back into his den and pushed a random purple button on the wall and went back out to see the Rockpile (with Firestar on top) being blown up. This, obviously, ended the disco.

Longtail thought that finally he might be able to get a decent nap when Purdy started speaking Spanish gibberish. **'FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUCK' **Loltail shouted and grabbed a knife to stab Purdy IN DA FACE.

Two days later at Purdy's funeral, Firestar's solemn voice was repeating Purdy's last words. 'In honour of Purdy, I shall repeat his last words as they may hold some advice for our young cats. Here is what he said: **"Tel colo el tarica, do do do-AUUUUGUGHGHHGUGFGUSIHOBYZSIO GRNABOPQ3U9WHAP0-GHOPQ34892JAH!"** We will now bury his body.'

The process went on, but Leafpool was thinking about the last words and where she had heard them before. ' *gasp* Oh, I know! This is what he meant! **Tel colo el tarica, do do do do the Harlem Shake!' **And she started spazzing out.

'**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !' **Longtail shouted and threw himself off a cliff.

**Well, it was a longish one today! Thanks for reading and be afraid to give us ideas!**


End file.
